Early childhood specialist Lisa Sunbury and I were speaking with a mutual friend who was concerned about a problematic playdate her toddler had recently experienced. During our conversation, Lisa shared a personal goal that I agree with completely: “I feel like it’s my job to help my child to succeed in these situations.” It disappoints … Continued
Anger is an emotion we can all relate to, but it can be incredibly hard for us to allow our children to express it. They need to. If kids can’t share their anger, it doesn’t cease to exist. It festers, usually causing more frequent and intense flare-ups, discharged in bursts of impulsive limit-pushing behavior. It … Continued
In this episode: Janet shares a recent exchange with a mom requesting “alternatives to time out when natural consequences aren’t appropriate.” The parent wonders how to intervene with her toddler when she is possessive and aggressive around other kids. Transcript of “What to Do Instead of Time Out” Hi, This is Janet Lansbury, and welcome … Continued
In this episode: a parent is having difficulty convincing her 10-month old that pulling mommy’s hair is not a good game, but her son is not getting the message. Transcript of “Finding The Right Tone For Setting Limits” Hi, this is Janet Lansbury. And in this episode of Unruffled, I’m going to respond to a … Continued
With the knowledge that it almost certainly takes two to tango, it should be easy for us to avoid engaging in power struggles with our kids, right? Um… not always. Here are some of the understandable reasons we might get caught in a battle of wills: We want our kids to be well-behaved, respect our … Continued
Hi Janet, how would you handle situations when a 6-year-old lies? What consequences would you implement? Honestly, if my 6-year-old out-and-out lied to me, I would wonder what I had done to cause that. As the leader in our parent-child relationship, I would take it upon myself to discern how I had made the truth … Continued
“Children both know more and learn more than we ever would have thought,” notes psychologist and infant brain researcher Alison Gopnik in her Ted Talk entitled “What Do Babies Think?” She goes on to point out that hundreds and hundreds of studies (along with her own) over the past 20 years support her statement. Pediatrician Emmi … Continued
“…we have a duty and obligation to fully inhabit the grown-up role to the best of our ability. This might require being present with our uneasiness or discomfort about our children’s anger toward us. But we shouldn’t avoid those unpleasant feelings by abdicating the bigger need they have – for us to lovingly Captain the … Continued
Our three-year-old daughter has started showing a strong preference for Mommy, especially at bedtime. We are trying to be positive and respectful of her wishes, but I am expecting another child in May, and we need to set boundaries about my availability to her. Thus far, setting boundaries often leads to tears, shouting, and temper … Continued
Children act aggressively to express a variety of feelings that all come under one heading: Discomfort. Understanding this truth is crucial for parents committed to respectful care, because our perceptions of our children’s behavior will always dictate our responses. When we treat an uncomfortable child in need of our help and safety like a bad … Continued
I’m blessed to work with mindful parents, most of whom have ‘sensitive’ and ‘respectful’ down. They’ve made a concerted effort to develop a quality connection with their children, and their behavior usually reflects that. So they’re understandably thrown when resistant or defiant behavior occasionally crops up anyway. The good news: getting back on track is … Continued
In “Don’t Leave a Testing Toddler Hanging,” I shared four typical testing scenarios. I then offered some general guidelines for recognizing and responding to limit-pushing behavior. One of the parents commenting on that post asked if I could specifically address each of the example scenarios I’d presented at the beginning. She explained, “Seeing how techniques … Continued
Ryan and Luis both want to ride a tricycle in the play area at their child care center. Each child begins to pull on the tricycle’s seat, saying, “Mine, mine.” A moment later they both start to cry. Their carer, observing this, moves closer to the children. She bends down on one knee and says, … Continued
