http://janetlansbury.com/community/ Just another bbPress community en Thu, 17 May 2012 19:24:22 +0000 http://janetlansbury.com/community/topic.php?id=157#post-574 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 06:54:56 +0000 Antje 574@http://janetlansbury.com/community/ <p>I am slowly warming up to RIE the more I read about it, but I'm still pretty new to the philosophy.</p> <p>I have read a lot about how it's important to talk your baby through what you're doing. When my daughter and I are going through well-established routines, sometimes I don't always use my words because my baby already knows what to expect next. I do always move calmly and carefully, let my body language communicate what's coming next, and wait for her body language to tell me she's ready for the next step. Is this still in line with the RIE philosophy? </p> <p>Keep in mind that I'm speaking of common daily routines that my daughter is already very familiar with, nothing new or unexpected. For example, when she's finished nursing and it's time to put her in her crib to sleep, I rarely use my words because I'm afraid they'll "break the spell" of calm that she's in. Or when we're finished changing her diaper, I'll reach to pick her up, and when she lifts her head towards me, then I follow through and do pick her up. If there's anything non-routine about what we're doing, or if she's not feeling calm for any reason, I will still talk her through what we're doing. </p> http://janetlansbury.com/community/topic.php?id=166#post-612 Wed, 02 May 2012 04:12:31 +0000 Nicole S 612@http://janetlansbury.com/community/ <p>I've discovered RIE through this blog over the past few months and the approach just makes so much sense to me; it really meshes with much of what I have been trying to do as a parent all along since my son was born (he's now 19 months). I have been trying to read as much as I can here as well as some of the other recommended sites, and have read both of Magda Gerber's books. I reside in Long Island, NY and although there are RIE classes offered in NYC, it is still too far of a distance for me to attend them. I didn't realize there was a forum here and am so excited to be able to connect with others who also embrace the RIE approach. Practicing greater mindfullness in relating to my son has also made me more aware of how others interact with him (and children in general). I am finding myself in a difficult place, particularly with my spouse and family, as they often interact with my son in ways that are different than the way I do. Don't get me wrong, they are mostly coming from a place of good intentions and love. However, I do find it frustrating sometimes. Ok, maybe more than sometimes! For example, if my son is experiencing negative emotions (ie. frustration, anger, upset), telling him he's "ok" or worse, reacting negatively to his reaction. When I was reading Magda's books, I shared passages with my husband, giving him the big picture. I am the reader and researcher in my family, whereas my husband is more physically action oriented and a "doer." I am also a psychologist and work in education, so my interest in parenting and child development is just in my bones. I try to share information, educate, and model when it comes to my husband and family who are open. I do recognize that mothers and fathers have different styles of interactions with their children. My husband has showed genuine interest when discussing RIE and does try to practice the approach as best he can, however, we are just on different pages (and different people). Sometimes, my own desires to be a more united, consistent team results in my giving pointers, and I think my husband interprets it as my nitpicking or criticizing his parenting, which is not my intention.</p> <p>I am wondering if others experience this and how they cope. Family and outsiders present another situation for me, as I find it reasonable to expect that my spouse and I will try to find some middle ground, but I can't always expect that of others. Again, I try to share info, educate, and model but that's not always possible, or appropriate. For example, my mother is very open and I am giving her "Your Self Confident Baby" to read (and she will read it). My father, who is adored by my son, also has a tendency to "no" him to death, and is sensitive and seems hurt and offended if I suggest he communicate differently with him. My mother-in-law loves our son so much that she sometimes has almost no personal space with him. She's in his face constantly and always demanding his attention, even when he is deeply engaged in play. I know she is coming from a good place, but this drives me CRAZY! I find it particularly uncomfortable to address this without feeling bad about it. I try to nicely tell her to give him some space or let him be, but I still feel like a meanie. So sometimes I just have to let it go, and just feel aggravated.</p> <p>So how to reconcile these feelings? And are my attempts to practice RIE with my son diminished when others are not on the same page (particularly within the same household)? Looking forward to hear your thoughts!</p> <p>Nicole </p> http://janetlansbury.com/community/topic.php?id=39#post-82 Sat, 06 Nov 2010 08:19:27 +0000 kerryz24 82@http://janetlansbury.com/community/ <p>I'm looking for advice on how to apply RIE techniques to my 4 year old stepdaughter. She has recently been testing us with morning tantrums making it very stressful for my husband to organize her and her 6 year old brother for school (I'm usually at work by then). These tantrums come mainly in the form of not getting dressed ('my pants are too tight, I don't want long sleeves, my legs are sore, I can't move' etc.) or generally 'pretending' to not be capable of anything. My husband has little patience for this and takes the hard road approach which usually leads to yelling at her and disconnected punishments, and everyone is left feeling angry at each other. I am learning about RIE and really want to apply these techniques but am not quite sure what do here. As far as I can see she needs strong, firm boundaries and parents that are able to remain calm and centered no matter what she throws at them. It's not about the clothes or getting dressed, it's just one way she has found that works best to upset the morning routine and cause the most stress in her quest to ensure her security.<br /> When I had her myself on a recent morning I had her choose her clothes the night before and she got dressed without a problem. The morning went smoothly until it was time to go, when suddenly i couldn't do anything right for her 'you're hurting me (when helping her into the car), 'my seat belt's too tight', 'I hate my brother' etc. and she ended up in a crying tantrum. I remained calm 'I can fix it when you calm down...' and it took about a minute for her to calm down. I'm sure if I'd lost my patience with her it would have got worse!</p> <p>I'd like to offer my husband a 'plan of attack' for when this issue rises again so that we are consistent with her and don't have to resort to yelling/withdrawing affection/punishments etc. Does anyone have ideas on 'logical/natural consequences' that could be put in place if she tests our patience by not getting dressed and that would fit into the time schedule that unfortunately she has to adhere to in the morning. Also what language could we use with her that lets her know what our expectations of her but still gives her a sense of control and independence. I believe this behavior will diminish fairly quickly with the right approach and once the power struggle is eliminated. </p> http://janetlansbury.com/community/topic.php?id=169#post-617 Thu, 03 May 2012 20:54:34 +0000 Nicole S 617@http://janetlansbury.com/community/ <p>I am looking for some feedback about feeding my son, who is nearly 20 months. He has always had a good appetite and has been willing to try things. Lately, he is not as adventurous and is even refusing many foods that he used to eat. I am really trying not get worked up about this and just let him eat what he wants, but sometimes it is difficult, especially since he is petite as compared to his peers. I have a few questions regarding the logistics of meals at this age following the RIE approach. </p> <p>First, I am wondering what you think about encouraging a child to eat something when they are showing a clear preference for eating something else. For example, I may prepare a sandwich and some mashed carrots for a dinner. My son is clearly wanting the sandwich, but refusing the carrots, even though he does like them. Sometimes I will say something like, "you can have more sandwich after you have some carrots." I can tell this is not what he wants, but he generally will comply and have his carrots (or whatever the non-preferred food is) because he wants more of the food he is enjoying. Is this being coercive and manipulative on my part? If it is, I do not want to do that! But I do want him to have balanced meals and get a variety of sources of nutrition. Like many toddlers, he is entering a stage where he is refusing to eat his veggies. Lately, he has been very adamant about what he will and will not eat, saying "no" and being very clear in his nonverbal communication (and good for him!). I am not pushing the issue and just letting it go, trying to not make it a big deal.</p> <p>My next question involves what to feed him at this point. Do I just give him what I decide will be for dinner that night, and if he eats he eats, and if not he doesn't eat? Or if he doesn't like what I have given, do I prepare him something else? I have heard both sides of the arguments for and against doing so from various camps, and am wondering from a RIE perspective which way to go. Again, he's a little guy, so I do sometimes worry about his not eating enough.</p> <p>My last question involves the "how to" of feeding him at his age/stage. He is showing growing interest in feeding himself from bowls and plates using utensils. I am trying to support him and let him do this. It has been a bit hard for me because I have issues with food messes and spills, but I am really trying to relax and get over it (I am looking forward to eating outdoors more!). I am trying to let him feed himself as much as possible and not interject my help, even if I see that the food might drop. I know he has to learn by doing. However, he does also have to eat, so I do assist him sometimes. I have noticed that at times, he seems more interested in using the spoon or fork to poke at his food, but then makes no attempt to eat it. It seems a bit like he's playing, but I also do believe that he is trying to practice his skills as he is very focused on the bowl and utensils. Should I be ending the meal at this point, or allow him to continue to explore in this way? What I have been doing is letting it go on for a little while, and then end it when I start to feel uncomfortable with it. For example, today he was putting food on his spoon and holding it out in front of him, just looking at it. He had already been eating for a while so I encouraged him by saying "the food now goes in your mouth." When he continued to just move his spoon around, I asked if he was still eating and when he didn't attempt to eat I said something like "your holding the spoon but not eating, so it looks like your finished. I am going to clean up now." I took away his dish and utensils at that point. I want him to enjoy mealtime and learn how to feed himself independently. But I also want him to learn to eat properly and not play with his food. Just wondering if I am on the right track. </p> http://janetlansbury.com/community/topic.php?id=171#post-631 Thu, 10 May 2012 05:06:05 +0000 Antje 631@http://janetlansbury.com/community/ <p>As some of you know, I'm moving at the end of this week! Of course, this just has to be the week that my daughter has started a painful round of teething. The teething has led to her biting me during nursing, and then she gets very upset when I take her off my breast, but I simply can't allow her to bite me that hard! But back to the moving: It has been a stressful week because my husband has been away a lot to paint the new apartment, and I'm trying to get the packing done. I'm trying to keep her routines as predictable as possible, but bedtime is simply different without her Daddy so that can't be helped.</p> <p>Bedtimes have been very very bad this week for all of the above reasons. I am seeking advice for how best to support her when she pitches an intense crying fit right at bedtime. In a normal situation, she would have the option of being held or being put in her crib, and she is the sort of child who sometimes needs to be left alone to cry for a few minutes before falling asleep. </p> <p>This week, when I'm holding her (sitting on our big bed as usual), she thrashes and tries to crawl away from me. If I put her in her crib at this point, her crying reaches a pretty extreme intensity that I am not comfortable with for more than a few minutes (and it lasts much longer). If I let her crawl around the bed for a bit while I stay to listen, about 30% of the time she will manage to get all her feelings out and then return to my breast to nurse. The other 70% of the time, she crawls straight over to the window and starts playing with the curtain with a big smile on her face. Since this is bedtime, I don't want to let her have play time, as she'd really be getting away with breaking a bedtime rule. So I'm back with the option of holding her while she thrashes to escape, or the option of putting her in the crib to cry alone. </p> <p>(Staying near the crib to listen has never worked for us before. She gets confused about why we're in the room but not picking her up. Under normal circumstances she is comfortable fussing/crying by herself to calm down, but this week her crying is different and it just doesn't feel right to leave her alone in such distress.)</p> <p>So, in a nutshell: I would like to be available to listen to her feelings during this stressful week, but it seems my options are to tightly hold her while she screams and tries to break free or to let her run off and play when it's time to be sleeping. The third option is to let her cry alone in distress. Can anyone offer advice? Hopefully soon?</p> <p>Finally, another question: Twice this week already I've taken a break from attempting bedtime and taken her out for a walk before trying again. This really is my last resort, and I've never had to use it twice in one week before. I don't want this to become common, especially since it would add another layer of unpredictability to her bedtime. I want to keep things routine for her sake, and yet I want to be able to "roll with the punches" too, and the walks really seem to dissipate some stress for her. Advice? </p> http://janetlansbury.com/community/topic.php?id=167#post-614 Wed, 02 May 2012 11:33:37 +0000 Nicole S 614@http://janetlansbury.com/community/ <p>Hello! I am new to the forum. My son is 19 months and has been experiencing a recent change of behavior, mostly with sleep but also involving increased clingyness towards mommy, particularly when waking. Just as background, I have practiced many of the concepts of attachment parenting and they have worked well for us. I have more recently discovered RIE and realized I had also been practicing many RIE concepts unknowingly, and am thrilled to have found this blog and the work of Magda Gerber! I have always attempted to encourage his own discovery and independent play and love just watching him. Professionally I am a psychologist who works in education, so a love of observing children and an incredible admiration for infant development and learning is in my blood. It has always been my approach to try to be sensitive and responsive to my son's needs and do not believe that as a parent at night I should be "off duty." Controlled crying methods were not an approach I chose to use to get him to sleep through the night. We have nursed on demand. We have co-slept (and occasionally still do). Along the way I have tried my best to follow his cues and let him lead the way. While not always an easy road, I am happy to say that he learned to sleep through the night in his own time. Through RIE I was able to embrace the concept of struggle, which helped me to feel more comfortable with his fussing while encouraging him to fall asleep with less and less of my assistance. We have worked together to the point of my being able to put him in his crib awake, wishing him a peaceful rest, blowing kisses goodnight, and my walking out the door. Occasionally he would protest, but within a minute he would lay down and then fall asleep.</p> <p>Fast forward to these last few weeks. We were visiting with family for the Easter holiday. He has his own crib in our room there. Since he was doing so well at home, our first night I attempted our routine as usual. When we blew kisses and I left, he was very upset. I did not feel comfortable having him struggle for long, as his crying had a different quality to it and I felt it was expecting a lot from him to be left alone to fall asleep in a different environment. I went in and sat with him next to the crib, holding his hand and patting his shoulder when he reached for me, and he fell asleep. I stayed with him this way the rest of our visit (four nights) as I didn't feel it was necessary to push the issue and I figured we would get back on track when we returned home. Once we got home, I attempted to go back to our usual routine and he became very upset. I tried staying with him for a short time, then leaving, which was a step we did prior to our getting to the point of my just placing him in his crib and leaving immediately. No dice. As long as he is still awake, every time I attempt to leave the room, he becomes very upset, crying nonstop, jumping up and down, and saying "mommy" over and over (which is heartbreaking). I tried a smaller separation, sitting in the chair in the room until he fell asleep instead of next to the crib. This worked for a few nights, after some protesting, but it was taking him increasingly longer to fall asleep, so I reverted back to sitting or lying next to him on the floor. In addition, he wakes up at night crying for me. If his dad goes in he gets more upset. When I go in he quiets almost immediately. He has always wanted me over dad at night, but he also now wants me in the mornings, and cries saying "mommy" over and over. My son and I attend a toddler class together weekly and I shared what was going on with the teacher. She told me that I just have to let him cry and not stay in there because I'll never get out of there. Now, I have never agreed with her advice in this regard before but she got into my head. That night I was sitting next to him on the floor and my back was hurting so I told him I was going to stay in the room but sit in the chair. He protested and fought sleep and we ended up in a power struggle. Eventually I got really frustrated and angry. I left the room and had his dad go in. He got really worked up. I wanted to go back in but felt I had to stick with it at that point. I also didn't want to undermine his dad. Eventually he fell asleep, but I felt horrible and as if I abandoned him. I have since decided that if he needs me with him for now, to go with it, since working with his needs in the past has always been successful. However, a part of me, being a psychologist, is concerned about reinforcing a negative pattern and creating a dependence on me to fall asleep. I guess I am looking for reassurance that it's ok for me to stay with him for now and that we will be able to get back to where we were. I think a big part of my losing my patience is that I was needing my down time and this whole situation was interfering with it. Mornings are also being more challenging because he is wanting my attention, and normally upon waking after his diaper change he would play independently in his crib for up to an hour. Again, this has resulted in a loss of down time for me as I have become used to this time to myself.</p> <p>Not to leave anything out, two other details may be relevant. When all this started out, my husband and I had been arguing and were not speaking much to each other for a few days. There was definitely tension between us. I wonder how much that disrupted our son's sense of security. The other thing is that our son has recently had a huge leap in his language skills beginning just prior to our visit with family. His vocabulary grows daily and he is now able and prefers to use his words to communicate. So I also wonder if the new milestone and move toward independence has also contributed to his needing more contact. </p> <p>Thank you for hanging in there with this very long post. My son has been sick the past few days so I am offering him as much comfort as he needs right now, but I would like to get back to where we were. I'm looking forward to hearing thoughts on our situation and any ideas on how to move forward.</p> <p>Nicole :) </p> http://janetlansbury.com/community/topic.php?id=168#post-615 Wed, 02 May 2012 17:29:36 +0000 Elanne Kresser 615@http://janetlansbury.com/community/ <p>I'm sure in the pre-internet days this would have been easier for me, but as it stands I'm overwhelmed by choices for a safety gate (and sunscreen, diapers, strollers, but I digress.) I've been looking at pressure mounted gates for one to have in the doorwary of my daughters play room so that I can transition from letting her play independently in her playpen to playing in her room now that she is crawling. I read the reviews on Amazon and there are a number that get a bunch of positive reviews but then the negative reviews are consistent enough for me to be concerned. Things like children getting their legs stuck between the bars and in some cases the bars having to be hacksawed apart in order to get them out!!! Or plastic parts break off the gate and are a choking hazard. Ideally I want one that swings open and that we don't have to hop over every time we go in and out of the room. So, RIE mama's and associates - any suggestions? Have you found one that you feel is safe? </p> http://janetlansbury.com/community/topic.php?id=78#post-269 Mon, 28 Feb 2011 02:21:27 +0000 Nicole 269@http://janetlansbury.com/community/ <p>Ok, I've been doing a little research and I'm hooked. I am an educator and team leader in a 0-2's room in a long day care centre in Sydney, Australia. We have 8 children a day in our care, with two educators and relief staff for our tea breaks. I have always advocated respectful relationships with children, believed that learning is intrinsically motivated and that infants and toddlers not only can, but must be allowed to drive their own (uninterrupted) learning/play. Our care times (nappy changes, meal times, preparing for sleep etc) are rich with interaction and child participation. I have always made sure that the educators in my team talk to children about what is happening, or is about to happen and that they work alongside the child, with the child instead of doing things to the child. I've even demonstrated when they haven't understood, taking a staff member by the hand without warning or explanation, leading them to the other side of the room and putting an apron on them. Their consternation and resistance helped them recognise what they were doing to the infants and toddlers in our care. This was all before I knew about Pikler, Gerber and RIE so I really connected with this philosophy when I became aware of it. Having said that, much of it is new to me and I would like to learn more.</p> <p>I have read many interesting articles on this site. I plan to order some of the recommended books, but I also think there will be unique challenges that arise from working in group care as opposed to raising your own child. (Although I do realise that Pikler's work initially arose from the needs of infants in group living). Now I'm feeling a bit unsure of what to do next, what changes to make, if any. I'd love to be part of dialogue about different educator's experiences and also hear from people working with infants and toddlers in Australia and how they incorporate this approach into their curriculum. Also, any feedback from Janet would be fab. </p> http://janetlansbury.com/community/topic.php?id=165#post-610 Mon, 30 Apr 2012 08:41:28 +0000 Nicole S 610@http://janetlansbury.com/community/ <p>Hi, I'm new to the forum and to using RSS feeds. I was giving the option initially to select a feed from a drop down menu, and, not knowing what I was doing, I selected Google since I have a gmail account. The Google reader is not able to locate some of the feeds I want to follow. I would like to get back to that drop down menu, but can't figure out how. Also, can someone please explain what an RSS feed is, I have some idea from playing around here, but am feeling a bit lost (blushing with embarassment)!</p> <p>Thanks :) </p> http://janetlansbury.com/community/topic.php?id=163#post-600 Fri, 20 Apr 2012 00:20:18 +0000 kangelo526 600@http://janetlansbury.com/community/ <p>I love my little guy. He's happy, healthy and generally a good kid. We've done a lot with him -- traveled, let him work with "real" tools, help us around the house with, well, everything. He started a Montessori program four months ago and loves it. The teachers say he is doing well, but one day I started to question how he could be doing so well if he cannot focus on anything? For example, if I ask him a question (What did you have for lunch at school today?), I always get silliness in return. There's barely ever a time where he will simply answer the question, which leads to frustration on my part because I want to TALK with him. Is it too soon to believe that I can have a "real" conversation with him? I've heard him speak with his teacher on this higher level, but he saves all of his silly antics for home and I feel like I can never get through to him. The only time I feel like I can get his full attention is when I'm really firm with him. This makes me sad as I'd love to feel the closeness that I think we can feel just in our normal day-to-day encounters. Each morning we do 30 minutes of special time, and we get time after school to play or do other things together as well. </p> <p>Any thoughts would be appreciated. I'd love to be able to get to "know" my son on a deeper level. </p> http://janetlansbury.com/community/topic.php?id=161#post-589 Thu, 12 Apr 2012 20:28:02 +0000 mobiuscat 589@http://janetlansbury.com/community/ <p>This feels like a bit of a silly question but has been bothering me. So my understanding is that mealtimes are supposed to be one of the times that you give your child full attention. However, I'm really not sure what to say/do once I've given him his food and told him what it is. He can spoonfeed himself so he digs in and is focused on his food! Do I just sit and watch? </p> http://janetlansbury.com/community/topic.php?id=84#post-316 Mon, 11 Apr 2011 17:21:04 +0000 Shana 316@http://janetlansbury.com/community/ <p>I thought we had a great handle on this, we have no issues with anything but as of the past 2 weeks (He's 13m today), he's a terror for diaper change.</p> <p>This is what I do, please please tell me what I'm doing wrong.</p> <p>"Noah, did you make poop? Do you need a diaper change?"<br /> He drops whatever he's doing, and walks/runs, or crawls as fast as he can away from me.</p> <p>"Noah, its time for a nap, can I pick you up and put you in a fresh diaper?" "Looks like you need some help, so I will pick you up"</p> <p>We have been using a changing table beautifully prior to this, he used to lie down and smile, help me take off pants, unsnap onesies, we identify the straps, he holds his feet while I slip diaper under him. It was beautiful.</p> <p>Now its just me trying to do all these things while he's kicking me and screaming. And he's aiming toward me to kick. I've resorted to comedy and distracted these past few times, and I don't like it - I still have to hear a lot of screaming and have to hold down a lot of kicking.</p> <p>Can anyone give me some advice how the "script" for a diaper change is supposed to go with a toddler that despises it... or suddenly decided he despises it.</p> <p>My mother said, its because he's ready for potty training, normally I'd blow her off, but she says my sister and I were out of diapers by 12 months, (we were very early walkers).</p> <p>Help me figure this out. I'm not ready for potty training :( </p> http://janetlansbury.com/community/topic.php?id=159#post-585 Sat, 07 Apr 2012 07:27:29 +0000 Antje 585@http://janetlansbury.com/community/ <p>We have a gated play space for my daughter, but it's not huge as our apartment is very tiny. Lately my (11 month old) daughter is really wanting to go free range throughout the apartment so she can do lots of crawling! The thing is that there are a few things she's not allowed to touch while roaming the apartment. Nothing dangerous, just a few things that she could break or make an enormous mess with. If she goes to touch something she shouldn't, we say "not for you" and usually she'll stop. Sometimes we need to block her from touching it.</p> <p>Today I noticed that it was becoming a game for her. She would go right up to an out-of-bounds item, look me in the eye, and then reach out towards it. I would say "not for you!" and she would back away without actually touching it, beaming a big smile. Lather, rinse, repeat. She was really having a lot of fun with this game!</p> <p>I guess I'm wondering if it's such a good thing for this to become a game. I'm not upset with her about it, it's just rather time-consuming for me to hover near her and repeat myself when I could be getting some housework done along side her. Should I just say that if it's too hard for her not to touch it, then I will put her in her gated play area? I don't feel that she's doing it in a challenging or defiant spirit, and it's obvious that she understands the boundary because she never actually does touch it. It really is a fun interactive game for her. If I paid less attention would she just bypass the out of bounds object? Or is it a good game that helps reinforce the boundary? Is this her way of expressing a need for some undivided attention? </p> http://janetlansbury.com/community/topic.php?id=162#post-595 Mon, 16 Apr 2012 20:11:59 +0000 mobiuscat 595@http://janetlansbury.com/community/ <p>We have just moved house and finally have a garden and I was wondering what advice you have for outdoor play areas? We have a small patio and small lawn. It needs quite a bit of work to make it safer, although I let him toddle/crawl around as much as I can. I usually put a few balls outside. He sometimes plays with them and sometimes makes a beeline for the most unsafe things he can find... Any other suggestions? (Sandpit has been vetoed by husband on grounds of mess). </p> http://janetlansbury.com/community/topic.php?id=158#post-577 Sat, 31 Mar 2012 04:22:02 +0000 Jillsgr8 577@http://janetlansbury.com/community/ <p>Hi there I am new to the site but I am so intrigued excited and appreciative to be reading all of this. I have a 2.5 yr old and an 8 mth old - I have found myself lately not knowing what really to say/do at certain times with my toddler. For instance earlier this evening we were at a friends house along with some other kids -- there were some moments when my son was extremely sad/angry because of another child not sharing a toy. I know that tiredness/hunger both played a role in his meltdowns over not having the toy but I do wonder what things to say/do in situations of sharing. When the other child did share the toy then my child did not want to share it later on. I'm also seeing at home if our 8mth old plays with our toddlers toys that makes him mad - this only just started to happen - thank you for any advice! </p> http://janetlansbury.com/community/topic.php?id=137#post-533 Thu, 26 Jan 2012 03:25:49 +0000 stfreeman 533@http://janetlansbury.com/community/ <p>I should start off by saying that I'm new to RIE and wish I'd found it sooner!</p> <p>My 22 month old daughter is likely to be an only child, and it was always my intention for her to attend preschool part-time, beginning around the age of 3. However, since she was an infant I've been searching -- unsuccessfully -- for a local playgroup and trying out the various offerings available to give her some stimulation and interaction with other children. To be honest, I was hoping to form relationships with other parents as well; I am home with my daughter during the day and spend my evenings working from home. </p> <p>First we found a "Mom &amp; Baby" water aerobics class. It was enjoyable and relaxed, but expensive. Eventually the class ceased to be held for lack of interest. Then it was on to Kindermusik. We enjoyed the class initially, but it doesn't seem to hold much interest for my daughter anymore. It's a small group with children from infancy up to to age four, and often she is the only child spending her time running around, playing and staring at herself in the mirrored walls. I have no problem with this -- the expectation for a toddler to sit still and quiet that long is unrealistic -- but I feel the disapproving glare from other parents because it is disruptive. Occasionally another child will pull away and join her. The class is not expensive, but at the same time I don't feel much benefit from it other than that it's a break from our day-to-day.</p> <p>Lately we have also been going to Gymboree, where I also find the regimented classtime rather restrictive. My daughter wants to run and play, not participate in the activities. She is very open and social, and does interact with the other children, who are all within months of her age. However, I feel like the expectation again is for me to pull her away from what she is doing and attempt to make her join in, but it feels wrong when she's enjoying herself. Unlike Kindermusik there are the different toys and play structures that she can't get at home, so it has value for that aspect. </p> <p>But I feel like I'm back where I started. I love our time together but I worry that she needs more. I'm hesitant to begin any kind of nursery or preschool yet though, in part due to financial reasons. Any thoughts? </p> http://janetlansbury.com/community/topic.php?id=150#post-564 Sun, 11 Mar 2012 02:11:44 +0000 sharmila aroos 564@http://janetlansbury.com/community/ <p>HI Janet,</p> <p>At present I am working in the UAE with 3 to 4 year olds. There is a girl in my class who is socially very interactive non verbally, and when it comes to activities she is the first to participate and is able to complete any task at hand. Furthermore she is very good in solving puzzles. No matter how hard the puzzle is she is able to fit in the pieces with ease. Furthermore she is very neat and tidy and when it comes to clean up time she goes around looking for any scrap of paper or for that matter anything on the floor picks it up and puts it in the appropriate place. When it comes to gluing or sequencing activities, the end result would be a peice of work emaculately neat and tidy. The only concern with this child is that she does not interact verbally at all at school. Even with her friends she would play and have fun but not a word would come out of her mouth. At present she expresses her needs by crying. Concerned I spoke to her mum about this , and the mum claims that she is very shy and that she speaks well at home, in fact she speaks a lot , even telling them about what happens at school. She also mentioned that she does not speak even to the relatives, besides the people at home. This baffles me. What could be the reason? She is always encouraged to use her words at school. Do I put it down as a shy child, but I dont see her as a shy child, because every other aspect of her shines with confidence, besides conversing verbally. Any suggestions or strategies would be welcome. </p> http://janetlansbury.com/community/topic.php?id=144#post-558 Sun, 04 Mar 2012 21:22:20 +0000 bostonjenn 558@http://janetlansbury.com/community/ <p>We're moving from Portland, where we were lucky enough to have our children at Tumbleweeds Infant and Preschool House. We're moving to Worcester, MA and would like our 2 and 4 year old boys to continue in RIE-inspired daycare. We're looking at the Montessori schools for the older child as well, but would to know if anyone has suggestions, especially for the 2 year old. </p>